America's Funnyman

A talk with comedian Neil Hamburger on the economy, Calvin Coolidge and Tim McGraw's robots

NEIL HAMBURGER may just be the hardest working comedian in the business. He can be found in some shitty nightclub almost every night of the year, hustling for a few laughs and even fewer dollars. Despite the rigors of the road, chronic alcoholism, a bad diet, lawsuits and overdue alimony, he has retained his sense of humor, keeping the jokes coming and distracting crowds from the troubles of war, economic crisis and the general futility of existence. Combining classic Catskills-style stand-up with more risqué bits and an abiding disdain for celebrities, Neil seems to be a comedian’s comedian, since they can’t seem to stop laughing at him. For his new album, Neil Hamburger Sings Country Winners, Neil tries his hand at performing a collection of original and cover songs in the style of a classic 1950s country music album, lavishly seasoned with his own particular brand of humor.
 
“America’s Funnyman” (trademark pending) recently talked with Knoxville Voice via phone, from yet another roach-infested dump along the road to his next gig. 

KV: You’ve been on the road a while, how is the troubled economy affecting the touring comedian today?

NH: Oh, boy. Well, you know, we used to eat, but now all the money’s going to gasoline. It’s really changed the scene. For instance, I used to travel with a case of fruit cocktail, and I’d crack open a couple of those a day, have them for lunch and dinner, but now what we’re doing is taking old newspapers, soaking them in water, adding bleach to take the ink out of it, and you make a pulp out of that and shape it into a piece of bread. Then you steal ketchup packages from McDonald’s and those are the tomato sandwiches that I’m now
surviving on.

KV: You make a lot of celebrity jokes, but you’ve been turning up on mainstream shows like Jimmy Kimmel and Tim and Eric, and opening for Tenacious D. Now that you’re hobnobbing with celebrities, are you going to soften that part of your act, since you seem to be becoming one
of them?

NH: Fuck them, I’m not going to soften anything! We’re out there to do a job, which is to entertain the people, not make these celebrities happy. People want to hear what’s going on, they don’t want to hear somebody go up there and say, “I just love Diana Ross. What a great singer. Good night.” What kind of a show is that?

KV: So you think people are entertained by the debasement of celebrities?

NH: I know for a fact they are, sure. They hate some of these people. Some of them are good, I mean I’m not gonna argue with Abbot and Costello, those guys were great. Leonard Nimoy. But you get these guys like Justin Timberlake — there’s a lot of rage out there toward this guy. Or the singer for REO Speedwagon, I get a lot of people requesting jokes about him. People come out to the show to laugh and forget their troubles, and we’re there to help them out any way we can.

KV: Your new record is a country music record, but it’s in the style of old-time country music. Why not do contemporary country music and maybe sell a few
more copies?

NH: Maybe, but some of those new country guys with the synthesizers and everything, it sounds more like Phil Collins than Hank Williams. And with the great musicians we worked with, it was much better to have the real sounds and the real instruments. You know, these country singers today, they have synthesized drums, synthesized pedal steel and even the background vocals on those songs are done by robots. Tim McGraw, you know that guy? He has seven robots that sing on his records. The robots aren’t human sized, they’re about the size of a can of soup, but it sounds like a woman.

KV: I guess he saves money that way, since he doesn’t have to pay singers.